Lunajamniaon 30 Jan 2009 at 4:25 pm
This’ll be kind of long, so I apologize ahead of time.
1) Abby is pretty quiet and withdrawn, but curious about things at the same time and enjoys the outdoors.
2) She is homeschooled.
3) Ah … well, she’s homeschooled which some can relate to, she’s ‘different’ and a lot of people feel they don’t fit in, she’s somewhat of a loner and very quiet, and her circumstances will change drastically once I figure out what is actually going to happen.
4) She’s 14.
5) She never really had any goals except to see what is ‘out there’ because her parents never pushed anything at her, knowing how the world would react and all the media attention she would get, as she cannot hide her abilities/how she looks.
6) She can’t let anyone outside of home see her because they would freak out; there is no way that they’d think it was a costume, too realistic and who would waste their time buying/creating a super realistic alien-looking costume?
7) She’s mostly happy, she loves climbing trees and just using her gifts, but she’s looking for something more because she doesn’t really know what the rest of the world is like, despite watching the news and movies. She’s never been more than a mile away from home, and really the only place outside she can be is in the backyard or the woods surrounding the back yard, and even then she can’t go very far back.
8) I haven’t gotten that far yet.
1) She was born with an inactive/howeveryousayit gene that somehow ‘activated’/’woke up’ and by the time she was four her abilities were fully developed; though to really know how to use them to her full advantage she has to practice.
2) She didn’t choose to be a mutant. I’m still not sure if it should be because years ago one of her parents married an alien or something and an inactive gene was carried through the family and finally ‘woke up’ or just a weird, random gene. I’m not sure how she’ll become a superhero(ine).
1) No, not really, her green skin and eyes wouldn’t make it possible for her. She has a regular name but whenever I figure out how she does she’ll start referring to herself/thinking of herself as some superhero-like name. Or maybe she already calls herself something cool and her parents don’t even know. (NOTE: Tried out the name generator thing and all I got was really dumb names).
2) Not applicable, really.
3) Well, she’s got green skin and doesn’t really have any friends. (Should I change that? She’s a little too secluded but I don’t know how else to start out a story/develop a story with a girl who has green skin).
4) Just her parents know, and later on the government, I believe.
5) yes, the government shall care about her/her abilities/her ‘uniqueness’.
7) Maybe the government?
8) Nope, not to any of that yet.
1) They aren’t superpowers persay, but she is flexible/agile, fast, strong, easily keeps her balance, and can jump pretty high. Which also makes her a good climber. I was thinking maybe areas of her skin are hard, like on her knuckles/parts of her hands (kind of like an alligator/crocodile) so when she punches somebody or kicks them or something, it really, really hurts.
2) Yes, I guess–since she’s stuck at home she uses her ‘superpowers’ all the time.
3) No special mode of transport, unless it’s jumping a ways. NOT like the second-newest Hulk movie though, where he could make some CRAZY jumps …
4) She could use her flexibility or whatever to squeeze between bars/through small spaces, and her fast reflexes to avoid punches and hurt people in all sorts of positions. 🙂
Jumping and would help her get away, I guess. Or gain a good vantage point if she needed one.
Lucyon 26 Jan 2011 at 11:34 pm
I’d like to get some feedback on an X-men Evolution character I’m working on, if that’s alright… I may edit her info later to perhaps use her in an original work, but for now I’m probably going to stick to using her as a Role-Playing/Fan-fiction character until I get some ideas for a plot.
Name: Emily J. (Jason, after her father) Nocturne
Codename: Hawkeye (I’m not quite sure if this is taken or not…)
Age: Undecided, though preferably high school age.
Hair: Straight dirty blonde hair cut in a choppy bob hairstyle just above her shoulders. It always seems to be slightly messy and windswept, much to the confusion of her classmates and friends.
Eyes: Slightly slanted, dark brown.
Skin: A little bit tanned from sunlight, but otherwise fairly clear, much to her relief.
Height/Body build: 5’1″/Short and thin pixie-like frame, which luckily for her allows her to run a bit faster than most people, making it easier for her to gain some speed when getting ready to transform and fly (will be explained).
Her powers: She has the ability to morph into most any sort of bird, provided she knows what they look like in detail, and she can picture them clearly in her head… Pelican, Dove, Hawk, Eagle, Vulture… Chicken. You name it, she can change into it, provided she has full details on their appearences and bodily features. (Forgive me for the brief description, but I’m not sure of just how much detail can be put into this sort of power, after writing out the rest of this.)
How these powers emerged, and how she discovered them: As is the case with many mutants, her powers emerged suddenly, during a moment of extremely heightened emotion. In this case: Fear and adrenaline.
While on a hiking/camping trip during a school field trip into the mountains, she got distracted by something one of her friends was saying. She walked too close to the edge and her foot slipped off the ledge, causing her to fall much to the fear and alarm of her classmates and teachers. However, as she began nearing solid ground again as she fell, she squinted her eyes shut… but the impact did not come. Confused, she opened her eyes again, she was in the least shocked when she discovered herself covered in feathers, and soaring (if sloppily) rather than falling. She had somehow unknowingly caused herself to turn into a breed of red-tailed hawk that she had before seen flying around the mountains. In her surprise, she suddenly changed back to her usual human self, and fell just a few feet more before hitting the ground. When she finally made it back to her classmates’ camping site, they all asked her in shock and wonder how she had survived that fall, if she was alright, if she needed to go to the hospital… when she told her friends of what had happened, they looked confused for a moment before they jokingly began suggesting that she must have hit her head pretty damn hard on the rocks to come up with that story. Dismayed at not being believed, over the next few days she began to wonder if she really /had/ just imagined it… it got to the point of bothering her so much that one day while her parents were out of the house she went out to their fenced-in backyard and tried to make it happen again.
Finding herself unable to do it, she opened her eyes and noticed a robin sitting on top of the fence. She carefully examined it’s appearence and then focused solely on that, soon finding herself it’s exact copy in appearence. Overjoyed at the fact that she wasn’t crazy after all, she continued to practice morphing until one day she was confronted at school by a certain Miss Jean Gray, who told her of what she was, and of the Xavier Institute. Finally, she managed to work up the nerve to tell her parents of all that had occured, and after giving it a good bit of worry and consideration, her parents gave her their blessing to transfer to Bayville High (I think that’s what it’s called) so that she could live at the Institute with other mutants such as herself. During her education there, in both regular school matters and in those of her powers, she would eventually train herself to the point of partial transformation, where she could manage to grow only the wings, or only the talons of a large bird, while the rest of her body remained normal. She would also learn later on how to change into a rather large version of a bird, which could in the future allow her to carry a single person on her back while flying.
Side-effects to her powers (both good and bad):
-She can’t use any sort of overly-artificial cosmetics or hair products on herself, because strangely enough the chemicals in them make her ill, which she suspects comes from the bird in her. So she always uses much more natural shampoo, soap, conditioner, makeup, etc. Also, because of this, she’s taken to eating a much more vegetable-oriented diet, though she can’t resist the occasional gingerbread man. (Haha, sorry, just had to throw that in. xD She has this big love of gingerbread for some reason, and my mental picture of who she is was very insistent that I mention it.)
-Because of all the running, flying, and other muscle-straining activities that her abilities force her to partake in, her arms and legs gradually grew much more developed, as well as that her lungs and heart became stronger. However, all of this means that she does a lot of deep sleeping, and a lot of eating when she gets the chance.
-Though it’s making her physically stronger doing all of this, it’s very draining of energy and her muscles often feel sore from the strain of flying, especially when it comes to long distances.
-Because she’s not exactly the most graceful person in the world, she often gets scratched and bruised up pretty badly whenever she takes a fall or lands after flying.
-Whenever she’s been flying, or simply been in the shape of any kind of bird for too long, she’s always especially clumsy right after she changes back to a human and she has to get used to walking on solid ground again.
-She’s very weak against rocks and fire when she’s in any bird form, due to her (usually) extremely delicate body frame, and her feathers.
I tried to come up with weaknesses and side-effects that would match up with her abilities, and I still need to shape in her home life a bit more, but I’d really appreciate hearing some feedback for her, and hearing any suggestions you may have about editing her. I’m open to criticism, and to new ideas that anyone may have concerning her. 🙂 Thanks!
Neilon 23 Sep 2011 at 12:44 pm
@ B. Mckenzie
First off, thank you very much for responding to me. All of the articles you’ve suggested I have read a couple times in the past. The problem for me isn’t so much the story, it’s the sense that it won’t be well taken by many others.
Alas, I am probably rambling, so I’ll get to the point. Considering your points, I have revised my concept In terms of personality, I see Derek as rather carefree. This in the sense he’s not so uptight about life and rather he just go with the flow.
Unfortunately, having such a carefree stance has proven detrimental, as Derek comes off as lazy and a bum. Another trait that I want to exploit is Derek’s bravery.
Particularly, while standing up for anything, he does become very reckless, to the point where he doesn’t consider his options. This again can prove detrimental. Finally, Derek can be absent-minded, especially at times when he feels bored.
Again, I am attempting as you said to further develop him. Another thing, which I had forgot to mention, was that Derek has a catchphrase. This signature line is “Glorifk” everytime he’s in trouble.
In terms of his actual superpowers, if it’s best to characterize them in one sentence, then it should be the following: “Derek can harness Celestial Pulse, a mystical energy that can enhance is strength, speed and stamina and give him other metaphysical abilities.”
His motivation for becoming a superhero was accidental. Upon discovering a mysterious object, he’s transported to a mythical dimension. It’s there that he’s put against several other individuals, in order to inherit the ability to harness Celestial Pulse.
For plot reasons, Derek inevitable becomes chosen and is endowed with the ability. Some of his skills including sensing a person’s energy, heightened physical feats as stated above, and the ability to project light-based energy blasts.
However, there are two main drawbacks to using his powers. For one thing, is overexerting his powers. Given Derek’s recklessness, he may, during a fight, use up all of his energy and become exhausted. This could be severe enough that he might suffer tremendous fatigue and loss of stamina.
Next, is the fact that while Derek maybe willing to use his powers, his body isn’t. To be more precise, being that his body isn’t necessarily use to performing physical feats, such as backflips, areas like his joints and limbs might become inflamed.
This could be such an extent that he’s unable to properly manuver, less he wishes to caught significant harm to himself. Finally, to touch upon my previous comment about my story not being average, I felt it was a little arrogant of me to proclaim such a thing.
Thus, I do apologize if it had come off as that. All in all, these were some things I had considered. Hopefully, they’re good enough,but I am open for suggestions.
Frenzyon 10 Aug 2012 at 7:16 am
It’ll probably be a little long to do this for both my MCs right? I’ll just do it for Taylor “Killswitch” Ashley, who’s a villain.
1. Well, everyone has an ability in my world (I don’t bother giving a scientific explanation since I don’t think it’s that necessary). Though abilities usually start to manifest from ages three to four. So, I guess she would have been a whiny toddler before she acquired abilities.
2. She’s currently in college (in the UK) and she’s also part of the top villain clan in England. She barely cares about her education and puts more effort into her clan.
3. Because although she has a severe lack of morality, she still has some ability to care for the people closest to her, and to protect them.
4. Well, she probably curses and makes death threats more than the average teenager.
5. She’s 18.
6. Before she became a villain she wanted to be like her parents and be a world famous hero.
7. She didn’t really have any problems except trying to follow in her parents’ footsteps and become a hero.
8. She views everyone as worthless, pathetic and disposable. And makes no effort to hide the pleasure killing brings her.
9. She regrets ever having aspirations to become a hero.
10. Taylor’s best friend Melissa is the daughter of one of the top villains in the world, so she taught Taylor some things about being a good villain.
1. Yes, she was born with abilities.
2. Yes, she chose to become a villain. Her mother was wrongly blamed for killing Melissa’s father (one of the top villains in England), even though one of her teammates did it, and as a result, Melissa killed her team, which included Taylor’s father. (Note that Melissa was age ten at this point and this all happened within minutes.) Taylor blamed her mother for her father’s death, and believed that Melissa only did what any self-respecting villainess would do, since “an eye for an eye” and striking back twice as hard is one of the main rules of villainy. (Hopefully this isn’t too confusing.)
4. Not really, but she was chosen to be part of Syphon (her villain clan), because of her highly aggressive reputation and her tendency to kill those who even slightly annoy her.
1. Though everyone knows she’s a villain, she doesn’t need a secret identity since she has the protection of her mother being a heroine. Though, technically she has a secret identity so no one knows that she’s in Syphon. So her codename is Killswitch.
2. They don’t make it harder or easier. There are tons of villain clans that it would be impossible to simply guess which one a person belongs to or if someone even belongs to one.
3. She’s picked up a bit of an addiction to the arena in her clan headquarters, and as a result sustains a lot of injuries. Though, it’s fine. They have a healer as a referee. Though, her clan does get in its fair share of . . . disagreements with other clans and hero teams, and she does have to help fight with them, which will result in minor injuries without the presence of a healer.
4. Her mother and her best-friend’s mother are the only people outside of the clan who know she’s part of the clan.
5. The police are considered the worst crime enforcers in the country and only serve as a clean-up crew, of sorts, to arrest people the heroes worked to incapacitate and not kill. So, they don’t care who the villains are. They just take what they’re given. The media is tricky, as there are hero friendly, villain friendly and neutral sides of the media. They all care who she is; the villain friendly side care because she’s done more than her fair share of dark activities. The hero friendly side care because she’s a villain and she’s the daughter of one of the top heroines of the country.
6. What the clan does is kill anyone who finds out who the members of the clan are, who aren’t authorized to know.
8. She doesn’t hide the fact that she’s a villain. In fact, she tries to prove it at every possible opportunity.
1. Quite simple, she has the power of teleportation. Though, the more she does it in a short period of time, the more effort it starts to require. I reckon readers could easily understand that.
2. She teleports out of uncomfortable situations.
3. Well . . . she’s a teleporter. It doesn’t get much more efficient than that.
4. Uh . . . Not sure. It depends if you consider teleporting into the headquarters of a rival clan full of power negators, who could very well capture her for their own . . . personal needs . . . for a rescue mission surprising.
Oh wow. I know she’s a villain, but reading this back, she does come across as ever so slightly unlikable . . . :p
Yuuki12on 22 Dec 2012 at 6:17 pm
Here’s a the questionnaire for the character of my story I am working on, Derek Masters.
1) Derek was just an easygoing teenager who was apart of his school’s soccer team. He was neither the best player nor the worst. Just average in comparison.
2) He’s in High school. This of course affects his superhero career, especially his grades when he has to duck out of class to act
3) He’s not very head strong. He’s the type of person whom appreciates life for what it is, and is joyful about prospects it might hold. But he’s not above to denying the horrors of the world, as having witnessing them
4) Has a dialect, specifically with saying words like Talkin’, of walkin’ or any words with an “ing” sound. He also says “ya”, instead of yeah at times. He also says “Hell’s glory” when things go wrong. It is his catchphrase.
5) Sixteen years old
6) His goal in life was to live a life of happiness, a life that he can appreciate. This ties into his philosophy of “livin’ in the moment”. While he’s all for exploring what the world offers (coming from his father), he claims that sometimes there are things that cannot be explained. He’s fine with that, given in his view it is just better to appreciate what goes on, rather than worry about it.
7) He noticed the problems of society, and how while claiming to be proactive, people were detached from them. (He describes them being “deaf”). This comes from his background, where despite having a good childhood at first was crushed when his father whom was suffering from depression and was drunk, assaulted his mother.
Having watched his mother being assaulted in a closet, the trauma ran deep in the teen, as he hates being in dark-enclosed spaces.
In regards to his whole worldwide view he more than anyone else understands how screwed up the world can be. However, even he’s admitted that he was “deaf” to these issues, like many others, prior to discovering his powers
8) Derek’s viewpoint on the world is quite easygoing. Despite as described above, the experience made him not to take for granted the good stuff he has. That’s why he takes his time, looking everywhere and examining things in a mild manor. Abiet, at the annoyance of everyone else.
9) One could say Derek regrets not having his father around, but then again that would be an outright lie. Despite having felt bad in the past, even he understands that was a situation beyond his control, and such acknowledge that.
10) His athletic background has helped him numerous times, as soccer(along with his tough training he had to endure) have kept him fit and active. Also, while not as talented as Liam, Derek has a good understanding of science, particularly, physics and astronomy. He’s utilized this knowledge in conjunction with his powers numerous times.
A not for questions one to three
4) He was chosen to become a superhero by the Adjudicators of the Infinite Realms, or Adjudicators. They are a inter-dimensional policing group, whose tasks is to protect the dimensions and ensure justice and peace across these realms. Derek, along with many others, were selected to take part in a test to see whether or not they were worthy of the power as well as whether or not they have the right to become Adjudicators(this is known as the “Trial).
Despite refusing at first, he eventually does take the test, and succeeds and is bestowed the power and the position.
1) Yes Derek does have a secret identity. Originally, Derek wanted to operate under the radar, as an Adjudicator so as to prevent any problems. It was that basis why he was opposed to being a public superhero. But after an incident, Derek decided it was best he operate being exposed.
Originally, he did not have a superhero name(though many critics did call him the banshee or white devil). But eventually, the name White Noise is bestowed upon him, a name Derek surprisingly likes.
2) His powers are a mixed bag. For one thing, they aren’t as visible of other abilities, such as fire, magnetism, and strength. But at the same time it is not a cakewalk. Examples include him hating loud places, and wanting to step out constantly so as to gain some “quiet” from the noise. It’s also hard to explain when he can tell if something is wrong with a person, but cannot explain how he knows.
3) Yes his work as a superhero has changed his body. While suffering from the usual burses and marks, he does make the usual excuses, running into a pole, or falling down etc. The one noticeable mark is the large scar pinned across his back. Having gained it from a near fatal encounter from one of the major enemies, it is quite blaring.
While fortunate that the mark is anywhere immediately visible, given he’s at soccer practice the mark can at times be on full display. To that, he always explains to his teammates that he got it when really young from accidentally falling and sliding down a tree trunk. Though in the case of Derek’s friends, he always wears a second shirt just in case to conceal it.
4) Derek’s best friend, Liam, knows his secret. He told his best friend, given he felt that the only way he could figure his abilities out at the time was him. His other two friends, Sean and Kylie, he hasn’t said anything about, due to wanting to keep them protected, along with Teri (his friend, and eventually love interest at first)
5) The police especially want to know Derek’s identity. This comes from a combination of jealousy, mistrust and the basic anti-vigilante notions. Of course their tone, while strong, softens in the long run. The media of course shares the interest of him( note the world setting is very much replicated to be like the real world. Obviously while fiction can never truly act like the real world, I want to attempt to portray as real media and police reactions as possible).
Many criminals at first dismiss him, but as Derek becomes more and more successful, they become wary of him. So higher legion of foes, whether human or not, yearn to kill him.
6) Derek does several things to keep his identity safe. For one thing his powers benefit from this. Given he undergoes a transformation (he gains darker skin, silver white hair and dark gold eyes with a black sclera), this helps him shield some of his features. Also with the use of his powers, he’s managed to alter his normal relaxed, streched out voice with a low, almost mocking tone.
7) His friend and love interest Teri Meadows almost pieces together Derek’s identity during an encounter with him. She noticed the connection after he displayed mannerisms similar to Derek.
8) No one fortunately has publicly ousted as a hero. Which is a good thing for Derek, given he has plenty of other non-earth stuff to deal with.
1) Derek’s powers revolve around sound. He can generate sound waves around his body, notably his mouth( in the form of a sonic wail), and has enhanced hearing, the ability to move at super speed by riding atop sound waves, along with altering and modifying the sound of his voice.
2) His powers do affect his civilian life. For example, he utilizes the hearing when he plays soccer to assist him while playing and the speed aspect at times (though, at times that’s been risky). His power has also made him appreciate quieter, less rushed areas, due to how he can hear all sorts of tunes. All the while, he’s more active with his surroundings, as time passes, compared to being passive.
3) In regards to transport, Derek does have a method. By riding atop sound waves he generates, he can propel himself at super speeds. This enables him zip to and from areas quickly. However, this power isn’t perfect. Continuous usage of it does tire him, due to immense lactic acid buildup. Also, while zipping at high speeds he’s very vulnerable. That means any sudden collisions can be fatal. Also, when faced with abrupt changes of direction, such as banking turns, Derek needs to physically slow himself down to make the turn in order to topple over.
4) This I’ll admit is a tricky question. Sound-based superheroes aren’t exactly original in what they can do, hearing, sonic scream, lie detection etc. While I would like to admit the enhanced speed from sound manipulation is an example, I have come up with one other creative usage: Echo Shroud.
Derek creates an aura of sound waves that covers his body. The shroud obviously protects his body from exterior harm. All the while, a high frequency sound wave is generated to which not only stuns and disorients foes. His speed and strength are augmented, and such any physical attack he lands can stun and disorient foes.
However, there are a couple of drawbacks to this power. For one thing, given the high frequency of sound waves, this power is dangerous to anyone around, as it can cause deafness and extreme disorientation. It is this reason why he is so hesitant to pull off the power when there are civilians around, and does so only if necessary.
The next disadvantage deals with duration. Derek can only maintain the effect for a limited period, around a few minutes.
Thus, he cannot waste time and such must focus on defeating the enemy as quickly as possible. The final drawback deals if he extends past a few minutes, maintaining the effect. While his body is rejuvenated and maximized at its highest, prolonged exposure to those sound waves causes damage to his organs and muscles. Thus, excruciating pain follows as a result.
That’s all I have, hopefully anyone can offer me any suggestions or tips not just on this bit, but anything else I covered.
Watcher in the Wingson 27 Jan 2013 at 4:52 pm
Hey, i’m a long time reader of the site and these articles have really helped my in my writing (i’m an unpublished novelist). I’ve thought up a new idea for one of my stories. It takes place in a world of my imagination that is somewhere between modern day and the early 1900’s. My main character Alec Kyles has a mechanical right arm after his real one was lost in an accident. This “accident” was orchestrated by the main antagonist Adarian Radaker to punish father for denying his request to assist in his experiments.
1. He moves around alot, going from town to town. He used to live with his father and brother in a small town after his mother left them. But his brother later died and he lost his arm in an accident (later proved to be orchestrated by the main antagonist Adarian Radaker). After this event his father became increasingly distant and depressed, burying himself in his work until he just up and dissapeared. After that he met a surgeon named Dr. George Roberts whom gave him room and board and acted as a father figure for a couple of years. Dr. Roberts also gave him the operation that allowed his mecha arm to attatch to his nerves correctly.
2. He was homeschooled by his father, who was a scientist, and later traveled around the country.
3. He is searching for his father or just information on what may have happened to him as well as desiring revenge on the man whom caused hs brother’s death and destroyed Alec’s life. Despite the way things went terribly wrong for his family it would have been very easy for him to turn evil, instead he turned toward helping others while on his quest for answers and vengence (a thirst for vengence may seem like a dark quality for a hero but I feel that it adds another layer of perspective into his personality and makes him seem more realistic).
4. He talks as though he is uncarring and detatched from doing good deeds or fighting the various villains in the story even though he cares deeply about these actions. He is also very blunt and outspoken when dealing with even tender matters. He often curses when aggravated or even slightly irritated, a trait he picked up from his father.
5. he is around sixteen. (he isn’t in school because he inherited his father’s brilliance though he doesn’t often show it)
6. He had wanted to become a military surgeon/doctor so that he could help people who desperately needed it. He’d had problems with girls because of his crippled body and level of intelligence (they felt intimidated by this), he also lost his dream of being a surgeon as even with his mecha arm his skill level was seriously hampered by the lack of a second arm (the robotic arm could malfunction, fail, break down etc. in an operation)
7. His country of Icaria (fictional) is at war with it’s neighbor Bacara (also fictional). The country is also quite poluted with crime and suffering, several towns and cities are under complete control of a villain/group of villains (the military can’t help about these issues seeing as they’re at war). He was very aware, his father was actually working for the military and Alec himself wanted to be a field medic.
8. He wants to make a difference but is unsure of how to go about it (until he gets his mecha arm).
9. He regrets that he could do nothing to save his brother and he beats himself up about it (even though there was never anything he could do).
10. Because of his intelligence he can make repairs to his arm as needed, though his partner Leo helps with this more as he was once a mechanic. He can also reconnect the arm to his nervous system (this is required because he tears the arm off more that once when it becomes more of a hinderance, like if it becomes damaged or he has to remove it in order to defeat an enemy)
1. Strictly speaking he doesn’t have any powers at all, except perhaps his above average intelligence. He also is a master of jujitsu, though his form also has many techniques ajusted for use with one arm
2. Not really. It’s more like he began doing that in between points in his quest.
3. He felt a sense of moral obligation. This was immensly increased when he failed to rescue a young girl while chasing after a conspirator (whom he fails to catch, the pair of these events throwing him into despair). Then he resolves to help as many people as he can on his quest.
5. see #3
3. He has become more muscular and becomes injured quite a lot.
4. see 1 and 2
5. The police welcome his help, with the occasional officer who doesn’t like him thrown in. The media isn’t very interested in him since he lacks powers or a secret identity, not to mention that he’s less of a super hero as he is a vigilante. He rarely goes after large villains unless he sees a large reason to.
6. see 1
7. see 1
8. no and no
1. he doesn’t have powers. He does have a mechanical arm wired into his nervous system. The arm is made of a carbon fiber stainless steel alloy and is of Alec’s father’s own design. The arm has things like smoke bomb launcher, caltrop launcher, and can fire small explosives
2. no powers. His arm does, however, since it is robotic
3. The best way of getting across Icaria is by rail road, there are cars for the cities though but he and Leo rarely use them
4. Yes he will, from firing a smoke bomb into an enemy’s face, using his detached arm as a club and setting the arm on fire to scorch an opponent to creating traps with trip wire and his explosives
His friend Leo used to be Adarian’s head body guard before Adarian began genetically experimenting on the other guards/mercenaries. Leo tried to quite but Adarian knocked him out. When he awoke he had the ability to transform into a half lion half human creature similar to a werewolf. He later met Alec and they mutually agreed to help take down Adarian.
Authorof9on 20 May 2013 at 9:50 pm
I came up with an idea about a team of four vigilantes. It is a very dark story and I want to emphasize the fact that all of the characters, especially the heroes have problems other than over agression or drinking. The first four characters make up the vigilante teams called the Riot Squad. I have not come up with a linear plot but rather character backgrounds, their goals, and their relationships with each other:
Tommy’s younger sister was raped and murdered when he was younger. Scarred by the experience, he has never let the thought of catching the killer out of his mind. The head detective, Loud Goldson, was never able to catch the man who did it and he feels indebted to Tommy and wants to help him in his quest to find the killer, so he greenlights the idea of the Riot Squad. Tommy is the leader of Riot Squad and is usually the most brutal and fearless when it comes to trapping their targets. He becomes infatuated with a news reporter whose goal, unknown to him, is to take down the Riot Squad. When Lou finally tells him the truth about his dilemma, Tommy knows that if he wins, they will have a new commissioner who will not overlook their missteps. But he also knows that he should be grateful to Lou for letting him run the streets in the first place. He decided to momentarily stop the Riot Squad until Lou wins the election.
Lukas was orphaned at a very young age and lived in an orphanage for his entire life. He is a lonely and volatile character who cares much more about other’s well-being than his own, so he joined the marines as early as possible. He was eventually discharged because he was diagnosed as being mentally unstable. When he returns home, he is recruited into the Riot Squad because he feels it is the only way to still serve justice now that he is out of the military. His character is very dark and lonesome by choice, and he has thoughts of suicide and other disturbing ideas. When he gets back, a young girl who he knows from the orphanage very well rushed to see him. When he was at the orphanage he cared for her much like an older brother, but her feelings are much stronger and she asks him for an even deeper relationship despite her young age of seventeen. He finds it impossible to say yes to, but also knows he cannot deny her because he also loves her. Another obstacle is Tommy’s vendetta against underage relationships because of his sister’s life.
Colt is from the south and was a very violent yet successful cop, but his complaints and caused lawsuits against the department eventually lead to his release. He is brash and often gets worked up over things which can lead to his emotions making the decisions and not his brain. He is also the most sadistic of the Riot Squad because growing up he had a father who abused him, so he takes out his years of pain on his victims. He also finds out form his older brother that his dad is dying, but refuses to console him because he knows how much it will hurt him as he dies. Always looking for excitement, and in need of something to do after his release, he joins the Riot Squad. He is also the member of the Riot Squad with the least ethics. Unable to be shaken, he is often the one to carry out or invent the more brutal tactics. He also goes off by himself a bit to do street deals with drug dealers and prostitutes. When he meets Julia at his favorite strip club, he falls for her and walks a thin tightrope by getting involved with a callgirl.
Reese grew up poor and grew up on the streets. His father was killed due to gang violence and and has been looking for the man that did it ever since. He was most recently arrested for an assault charge, but was given the chance to walk free under one condition: join the Riot Squad. He does so as it will also give him a way to find his father’s killer. Reese’s girlfriend who he has not seen for some time tells him that she is pregnant, but Reese decides to stay with her because from his own experience growing up, he knows how difficult life is for a single mother. But he knows he will soon become a father and wants to keep his child away from what he actually does.
Shannon is an overly ambitious news reporter who seeks out interesting stories. She is very favorable of the police commissioner, Lou, and tends to write articles that shed positive light on him. When she hears from a close friend that the Riot Squad are disrupting her neighborhood, she begins to question the behaviour of the group of vigilantes. After she witnesses them brutally beat a suspect on the street, she sets out to take them down through her articles. She asks Lou to help her and in return she will help him win his upcoming election for councilman.
Julia’s father left her family when she was very young. Her mother was a washed up drug addict who never cared for her two children, so Julia’s older sister had to become a prostitute to take care of the three of them. Life only became harder when their mother died from overdose and Julia’s older sister found life as a whore a lot more difficult than she originally thought. She beaten, developed a crack addiction and eventually got AIDS. Julia was able to grow up fairly normally due to her sister’s sacrifice, but when she gets word that her sister is dead, she becomes part of a sting operation to tear down the man that led the prostitution ring responsible for her sister’s disappearance. She is a very scared and vulnerable character who is prone to abuse and when she meets Colt in the prostitution house, she breaks down into tears. He asks her to tell him what the problem is and he will take care of her. She knows she can’t tell him, but also if she overturns the prostitution ring and everyone involved, Colt would most likely be attached to it.
Nicole is a seventeen year old girl who knows Lukas from their days at the orphanage. He acted like an older brother to her, but she wants him to be much more. She acts teasingly towards him and often tries to seduce him, but he feels uncomfortable doing so which leads him to throwing up the first time they have sex. She is a character who has suffered a lot as well, but only wants to help Lukas with his problems.
Lou is the police commissioner who is hopeful about becoming the councilman. He was also the detective who failed to catch the killer of Tommy’s sister so for that he feels like he owes Tommy something. He gives him the Riot Squad, but says that they have to act as vigilantes so that any backlash will not be connected to the police force. He also is good friends with Shannon, the most influential journalist in the city, and she writes articles that endorse him and edge him closer to a seat as councilman, but when she asks him to crack down on the Riot Squad and get them off the streets, he is caught in a difficult situation. The Riot Squad effectively remove crime and he told Tommy that he would overlook what they did as long as they did the right thing. Now he has to decided if he lets the Riot Squad continue and let the most influential writer detest him, or take them off the streets, get promoted in the media, but anger the man he owes so much to.
Ed is the leader of a group that takes underage, poor, orphaned, or anorexic girls and ships them overseas to a sex-slave group. He claims that he is giving them a second chance in life and that he persuades them away from suicide. Tommy wants to kill him because his abuse of underage girls reminds him of what happened to his sister while Lukas is against the idea the he prays on orphans. Reese, coming from a poor neighborhood knows how easily swayed poor kids are, so he feels that the man is truly evil for manipulating kids who have no other choice and Colt is always up for finding someone lowly to take out his aggression on.
Again, this is a very dark premise, but any suggestions or recommendations would be greatly appreciated
Cadillacon 29 Jul 2013 at 8:42 pm
Hey guys, I’ve posted here before and I am writing a story about a guy who is attacked by a locust, thus gaining a shell that gives him strength, flight and armor. I just created the villains and was wondering if anybody wanted to critique the superhero and his villains. Sorry if it’s a bit long. Thanks.
Lance Holloway—Recent college graduate who lives in Seattle as a writer for a travel magazine. He is typically quiet and reserved until his father, who was a cop, is killed in the line of duty by a drug dealer named Cue Ball. Lance tries to stay away form being involved, but eventually decides that he wants revenge after receiving the Locust powers. He also knows that he has not accomplished much and uses his past passiveness as another motivational factor for him to do something meaningful.
Cue Ball—Main drug lord in Seattle. Large and bald, heralding the name ‘Cue Ball’. His real name is Randy Waters and he had somewhat of a difficult past. He is from the streets of New York, raised by a single mother and the youngest of three brothers. When he was young his middle brother died in a car crash, the his oldest brother of a heart attack then his mother of Lou Gherig’s disease. He was also bullied throughout school because of his rough upbringing and portly demeanor. Cue Ball was married briefly, but when his wife had their son she left him with the baby because she did not want the baby to be influenced by a drug lord. She never returned and it has been 19 years. His drug dealings in Seattle were cracked down on by Lance’s dad so he had him killed.
Reaper—Cue Ball’s best and most trusted hitman. Reaper grew up without knowing who his parents were and he was taken care of by his uncle and his aunt. He was always detached from society and was expelled from high school after beating two kids. He ended spending a lot of time on the street and became part of Seattle’s grunge, youth movement which is how he came into contact with Cue Ball. After doing some small jobs for him, Reaper’s aunt and uncle sent him to the military. After being a marine for two years, he returned but his mind did not. The only person he knew at home was Cue Ball, so he went to him right away and Cue Ball used his combat expertise and distance from morals and humanity to turn him into a lethal hitman. In the novel, Cue Ball sends Reaper after Locust after Locust tries to bring down Cue Ball’s empire. Because Reaper is the same age that Cue Ball’s son would be and because his childhood was so empty, Cue Ball always imagines Reaper as an ideal version of his own son even though he is not.
Luis Santos—Drug lord in Rio de Janeiro. Luis was born in the favelas of Rio and grew up poor. After joining a gang, he saved the leader’s life in a firefight, earning him much respect. After the leader was eventually killed, Luis fought off others to become the successor and has since become ruthless and nasty. He sells drugs to Cue Ball to distribute in Seattle. After Locust disrupts business, Luis wants Locust dead. Unsatisfied with Cue Ball’s and Reaper’s efforts, he looks for someone who he thinks can do the job.
Martín di Prado—A young man in Rio who is the oldest of four siblings. His father was killed some time ago in a chase with the cops after he stole drugs for Luis Santos. His mother is dying of Tuberculosis and as the oldest he views himself as responsible for the well-being of his family. He works for Luis to ensure support for his family although his oldest sister is strongly opposed to it. After hearing of Luis’s desperation to kill Locust, he learns of a test Luis needs a volunteer for. He plans on injecting wasp DNA into a human to turn them into a human with insect abilities like Locust to combat the hero. Martín knows his family will miss him and might not forgive him, but for their well-being he volunteers with the pay being his family’s safety and stability. The test, however, goes wrong and Martín, now Black Jacket, loses his mind. He is covered in a shell that lets him fly and shoot poison as well as provide armor and all he knows is that he wants to kill Luis for taking away his humanity and destroy Rio de Janeiro.
Spawnon 31 May 2016 at 6:01 am
I did the questionare for one of my characters, a girl named Maya. It should be noted that she isn’t really a superhero in this story, at least not an official one, until the end. The questions were answered based on how she currently is in my story. Here is the result.
1. Maya was the daughter of a rich businessman. The father was very strict and authoriatarian, and cared a lot about other peoples perception of him and his family. To him, public opinion was very important, so he pressured Maya into being ‘perfect’ and rule abiding. Being the good daughter she had been raised to be, Maya took the role of the perfect daughter. The one whom never did wrong, always followed the rules and was well dressed. Upon the discovery of her power, her father disowned her and threw her out, cutting any connection he had with her. He told the public that his daughter had become clinically ill so that people wouldn’t ask questions about her disappearance from social media. This event (which happened when she was about eight) was a major turning point in her life and changed her dramatically. She became very saddened and lonely, but luckily she was taken in by an older man that became like a father to her (he’s called Robert). He helped her adjust and allowed her to be the person she wanted to be, rather than what others tried to make her.
She dresses in a very goth style, but she is not actually a goth. Her clothing is informal and tomboyish, same with her hair (cut like a crew cut on the left side and with bangs on the right, dyed black, was originally brown). This style is something she wears out of spite to her biological father and as a means to rebel against the prejudice that woman should look nice.
2. Before she was thrown out by her father, she went to a boarding school for the rich and snobbish. Afterward she went to a public school, but also received homeschooling for her surrogate dad (whose awesome and sweet BTW).
3. I believe her story will resonate with a lot of readers, especially teenagers, because I know that many of them feel pressured into being something they are not for the sake of public image. She could perhaps be a character to look up to for those who struggle with it, seeing as she has managed to overcome that pressure and become her own person.
4. She has a somewhat pessimstic view of things and she is very rebellious. She is more likely to point out negative things than positives, and often times she sounds like she doesn’t really care about anything (even though she does). Maya has a good understanding of people and can see with a lot of clarity how and what a person might feel or think. When talking, she is often disrespectful or at the very least, direct; though her pattern of speech becomes softer and less confrontational when she is talking to people she cares about.
5. 13 years, born 1st of April
6. She didn’t really have any true goals while she lived with her father other than being what he wanted. When she had grown more into herself, she found out that she was really found of animals, particularly horses and cats, and that she wanted to work with them when she became older. She would either want to be a vet or work at a zoo. It doesn’t really matter to her what job it is, so long as she can work with animals and get enough money to buy tons of chocolate (she is slightly overwheight).
She had a lot of problems when she was younger, most notably a lack of self-esteem and confidence. Maya was unsure of herself and of who she was, and couldn’t really make any decisions without worrying what her father would think. It made her indecisive, a trait that she has since shook off with a vengeance (she has become rather reckless and impulsive, traits she once had as a baby).
7. The world she lived in and still lives in had a lot of problems. It was still recovering from the recent World War 3 (or the First Superhuman War, as it is also called), people are outright terrified of mutants and they do not have the same right as humans. Mutants cannot live in major cities where there are a lot of humans and are forced to live in small communities away from others. (These communities are situated in abandonded small towns and cities, a notable example being Detroit).
8. Maya thinks it sucks. To her, it is unfair, humongously stupid and just outright dumb. People, or more accurately, the governments, are idiots blinded by fear. At least that’s what she thinks.
9. Her biggest regret is that she once purposefully tripped her best friend and made him fall down a well (the last part was accidental), and subsequently caused the entire water supply of her town to freeze. Oops…
10. Not really no.
1. Maya was, like almost every other superhuman, born with her powers.
2. Maya didn’t really chose to become a superhero, it kinda just happened. She was really stupid, did something she shouldn’t have (and was specifically told not to do) and thus got involved in some really bad shit that required her to step up and become a hero.
3. I can’t reveal the reason why as that would spoil the plot, but she frequently tries to get out of the whole superhero thing because, well, she’s a kid and she really shouldn’t be fighting ‘monsters’. She doesn’t want to die.
4. She was not chosen, it happened.
5. Born with them.
1. Nope, no secret identy seeing as it isn’t necessary.
2. Her powers do not affect her secret-identity any (they never will, not even when she eventually gets one).
4. She isn’t a superhero yet. (when she becomes one, only the other supheroes know who she is)
1. She can telekinetically control paper; make them sharper, repair them etc. As she becomes more powerful she will eventually be able to transform herself into paper.
2. Accept for the fact that she almost never gets a paper cut? No.
3. She takes the bus or rides on her bicycle.
4. Don’t really know yet. Paper bombs maybe? Or constructs? Could use a little help with it.
Also, as a reply to Andrew, I just have to ask, why does he know swords- and marksmanship as well as martial arts when he lives in a modern world? It just seems kind of weird, unless, of course, you have an in-story reason for it.
Byakuya91on 07 Aug 2016 at 5:29 am
Greetings, everyone. With my second draft of my story Marshal Malachite complete, I’ve decided to take an extended break from that story and begin working on a new project. Here is a brief synopsis.
“Duncan Li’s life could be considered interesting. Living on the streets of Newark, the teenager has managed to find happiness despite the harsh conditions. But during a field trip, when a group of robbers attempted to steal a priceless artifact, Duncan is in a bind. In a world of gods and demons, he must locate the Exlir of Immortality to not only atone for his sins but also save the world”.
Sorry if the description is clunky. It’s really hard at the point I am to conceptualize a tight, efficient synopsis. Essentially, I’m aiming to write a children’s novel. One aimed for thirteen and up. The inspiration came from me actually rereading the Percy Jackson series but also looking at other great books like Alex Rider, Artemis Fowl etc.
Being Chinese inspired my biggest fear is having this story compared to American Dragon Jake Long. One thing I wished to do to separate this was work on my MC: Duncan Li.
In a nutshell, he’s energetic, quick-witted, but can be very impulsive and obnoxious. Duncan is the person who lives for the moment. He’s not the type to be miserable or allow his world push him down. Rather, he manages to be active and move forward. Hence, his passion for skating.
As for being Quick-witted, Duncan is rather clever. He’s able to make decisions within seconds and has no hesitation. A lot of this comes from his surroundings as obviously growing up in a bad neighborhood, it pays to be street-smart and aware. A point I wished to use to not only showcase this trait, but an unusual decision is during Duncan’s origin.
When the thieves storm the museum, Duncan deduces quickly that they are after the statue due to everything else in the museum being crap(and his friend, Alessandra stating it was priceless). Rather than run, he smashes the display case and attempts to hide the artifact. It is only when the suspects attempt to hurt one of Duncan’s classmates, school bully, that he surrenders it.
Again, I wished to highlight an unusual decision, one you do not see many characters would do. And this leads to one of Duncan’s biggest flaws: he’s impulsive. Duncan is the type who will follow his instincts, but he rarely contemplates the consequences of his actions.
As such, this is something I wish to highlight as within the story as Duncan being hasty can have disastrous effects. Finally, as for being obnoxious a lot of this I see is Duncan being too loud-mouthed and him just blurting out whatever comes to his lips. This can result in him alienating his peers and whoever he needs to interact with. Combined with a short attention span at times being selfish, this can also be disastrous in his development.
Sorry, if I haven’t offered anything substantial. I’m still in the planning process/getting my thoughts together. If anyone has any feedback, I’ll be curious to hear it. This also extends to ways to differentiating my work from American Dragon Jake Long.
James Dakotaon 10 Nov 2016 at 6:54 am
How’s this for Mercedes?
1. What kind of person was your hero before he got superpowers? (A friendly but awkward nerd? Guilty of CIAing while black? A disgruntled accountant?)
He was a circus acrobat.
2. What sort of job/educational background does he have? (Do these affect his superhero career?)
He’s pretty homeschooled, having grown up in a circus. He can’t read very much, but he can do math.
3. Why should prospective readers care about your hero? What is it about his background that will appeal to them?
Prospective readers should care because he’s blind. As for his background, I don’t know.
4. What’s the character’s language like? Will he sound any different from the other characters in the story?
He says stuff like “we’re screwed” and other slang. He will sound different from other characters in the story.
5. How old is he?
Sixteen in the very beginning when he becomes blind.
6. What kind of goals did he have before becoming a superhero? What kinds of problems?
His main goal was to stay with the circus and protect his sisters. Mercedes’s main problems were his impatience and his speed.
7. What sort of problems did his world have before he became a superhero? Did he notice/care about these problems? (Or did he have a happy and carefree childhood until he saw his parents get murdered?)
His world was pretty much this world with the same general crap going on… He didn’t really notice since he was always moving around with his caravan, and he did have a pretty carefree childhood.
8. What does your character think about his world? (Mostly happy? Looking to escape? Looking for something more?)
He thinks that people who abuse their powers should be stopped, and that justice should always be enforced.
9. Is there anything in your character’s past that he regrets or will regret, like nearly joining a gang or failing to save his uncle?
He does regret hurting his ex girlfriend Cassidy once, when she went insane and started burning everything. He was trying to stop her from setting the world on fire and succeeded, but only after she’d permanently blinded him and he’d knocked her out.
10. Does your character’s background make him a better superhero? For example, Superman’s side-job as an investigative journalist frequently gives him leads to look into. Many heroes have scientific or technological skills, etc.
Mercedes kinda goes where needed with the circus, or he does when he starts to use his powers. Afterwards he joined Jack Cross’s team of Wardens and just goes where he’s told to, really.
1. Was he born super?
2. Did he choose to be a superhero? Why? (Which personal feelings/experiences influenced that choice? Losing a loved one to criminals? Being a disillusioned cop? A desire to escape from a dull routine?)
Yes, because he had to save the world from his pyromaniac ex girlfriend.
3. If he did not choose, what caused/forced him to become super? (A physical transformation? Conscription? Forced servitude?) Is he attempting to become normal? How and why?
First part, non applicable. When you say “Is he attempting to become normal?” if you mean “same senses as everyone else” normal, then yes, in the beginning he is. He tries to find someone who can help him within the circus and why, well he’s blind.
4. Was he chosen to become a superhero? Who chose him? Why? (Maybe she won Amazonian trials or aced secret tests embedded in a standardized exam).
Yes he was chosen. His DNA chose him. I have no idea why.
5. Assuming that your character was not born super, what caused him to become super?
1. Does your character have a secret identity? If so, why? What would the consequences be if his enemies, friends and/or the public found out who he is?
2. How do his powers make it harder (or easier) to keep his secret-identity secret?
Erm, they don’t. Even if he had an SI (which he doesn’t) he could just zip off, save some random citizen and come back without being missed in the first place.
3. Has his work as a superhero noticeably changed his body? (For example, Peter Parker gets a lot tougher and picks up unusual bruises and scars). How would your hero conceal these changes from his friends? If a friend noticed anyway, how might he try to explain them away?
Yes, he now has very noticeable facial scars. He would try to hide them by wearing blindfolds (which anyone who isn’t also blind would notice) He’d say he was blind but wouldn’t explain how.
4. Has he told anyone who he is? Why? Does anyone else know?
Yes, everyone on the Wardens team. Yes, most of the media.
5. Does the police care who he is? The media? Anybody else?
Erm, police can’t really catch him so he doesn’t much give a crap and neither do they. The media doesn’t care as much as they care about some of his teammates like Tori (Rising Tide) or her brother Carson (Lightning).
6. What does your character do to keep his identity safe? (Anything besides wearing a mask?)
He doesn’t try due to laziness and plus he was already in the circus so secret identity doesn’t really compute in his mind.
7. Is anyone close to discovering the truth?
Everyone already knows the truth, so nope. They already did.
8. Has anyone publicly accused him of being the hero? Has he taken any steps to “disprove” the claims or discredit the accusers?
Actually, no. And no, even if they did accuse him he couldn’t really deny it very well. I mean, there are actual burn streaks on the carpets in the Warden headquarters and stripes of hardwood where he stripped the finish off.
1. Here’s an obvious question: what superpowers does your superhero have? Less obviously, will your readers be able to describe your character’s powers in 1-2 easy sentences? If not, it’ll probably harder for them to introduce the story/characters to their friends.
He’s superfast, and that’s less than three words.
2. Do his superpowers affect his civilian life in any way?
Not really since he’s on call all the time and he’s never really had a civilian life as a circus performer.
3. Does your superhero have a special mode of transport? (Not that there’s anything wrong with the subway, but you do get weird stares).
Yes, he runs. Or walks. It depends on the urgency of the mission and what mood he’s in. Like, if he had to save someone from a falling meteor, he’d dash off. If he was stopping by the supermarket to swipe some cheese (he normally steals. If you’re so fast you don’t have to pay, why pay?) he’d probably stroll along at a speed that renders him a blur to anyone who doesn’t experience time the way he does (which is slightly slower. Which is why he’s impatient–everybody’s doin’ stuff in slow-mo).
4. Readers love being surprised. How will your superhero use his powers to surprise us? Will he be able to resolve his problems in new and fresh ways?
He will probably surprise everyone by not zipping around and fixing everything like X-men’s Quicksilver does since he can’t see everything–only three dimensional shapes, no colors or nuthin. Because of this he’ll probably use his powers to do some wacky things–like, if there was a bomb about to go off, and you had to cut the green wire to stop it, he’d most likely just pick it up, run to the nearest ocean, and just chuck it with no regard for wildlife.